I hate the Bank.
Honestly, I would rather keep all my money stuffed inside my mattress if it meant I never ever had to encounter another bank. Just so you know, I don’t do that, and please don’t come to my apartment to make sure. This isn’t a thinly veiled treasure hunt. Also, if it helps, I have no money. Hope that clears things up.
There is something seriously wrong with people who decide they want to become designers for banks. It’s worse than hospital design. At least at hospitals, you know everything is supposed to be plastic to wipe off strange liquids. The walls have to be periwinkle so you can pretend that it isn’t a cesspool of death and decay. Cheerful, I know.
But the bank. The bank. What is wrong with the bank? Why is that random huge vase in the middle of the walkway? Who is that lady in the painting!? Is there really a need for all this wood paneling? And who decided that all banks should get together and systematically use maroon and royal blue for every single damn piece of upholstery furniture in the place. Nice plants by the way. I know they're fake, who are you trying to fool?
That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that every single employee loathes you. They don’t want you in there. You hand over your hard earned paycheck and they look at you like you are trash: "How dare you bring this insignificant amount in here? If you aren’t depositing money in the hundreds of thousands, well, we really can’t be bothered to smile at you."
It’s like people who work the lobby at a really nice hotel. I KNOW I make more money than you do, so why the hell do you think it’s OK to sneer at me for wearing a t-shirt in your stupid lobby? I am really making the place look shabby. Such a disgrace.
But anyway, the bank is terrible because you have to go there. It’s unavoidable. They talk to you about the convenience of online banking, but you will inevitably have to enter the dreaded local branch to activate a new card or make a large (but not to them) deposit.
Screw you, the Bank. I don’t need you.
Oh, free checks? You won me over.
I'm glad I don't have to go in to banks very often. :)
ReplyDeleteI've had to talk to a bank teller exactly 2 times in the last year: once to convert some cash from Canadian to American and once to put a stop on a cheque. I just use the ATM to make deposits.
ReplyDeleteYunno what's even worse? Automated Bank phone calls.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is why its nearly impossible to find a bank in CA that has a drive up teller! In Missouri every bank had a drive up teller so you could CASH a check before depositing it, thereby making it available immediately without having to bother getting out of the car and going in and dealing with all their wood paneling and plants that are, as you so aptly put it, incapable of making any customer believe they are real.
ReplyDeleteBanks should be simplified, whenever one walks into one he should just tell: /BANK and a little window with your gold bars with fade in from view.
ReplyDeleteThis entire post is why I only bank at Credit Unions. Drive up tellers, Extremely friendly, and usually so small, the tellers remember your name. Personalized, fast service, I love it. :)
ReplyDeleteAs a recovering bank teller (oh, the shame!) I can at least explain to you why tellers are so unpleasant to deal with. It's not that they hate you, specifically, but they hate being at the bank. Tellers generally view each customer walking in the door as an opportunity to be yelled at by a stranger for something that they have no control over. So it's not so much that they hate you, but that they hate the buttbag guy you came in right before you, and the bitchface lady who will come in right after. In conclusion, don't work at a bank, it sucks.
ReplyDeleteBack in the days of MUDs and Legend of the Red Dragon, you could simply press B while wandering in the forest to toss all of your gold into the air and a passing bird would swoop down, catch it, and deposit into your account for you. That's my kind of service.
ReplyDeleteHaha. It's so true. All the banks i've been in have been way over-decorated and much too fancy. The employees think that since your paycheck is less than half of what theirs is they should not have to deal with the likes of you at all. Hmm... perhaps we should find a better hiding place than mattresses and keep our money there? ...But then again... maybe not, for where then would we get those free checks.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a 'like' button for this. Or rather, a 'hate' button, to share my mutual hatred of the bank.
ReplyDeleteThere are many reasons to hate banks, but the ones you list are among the most stupid I've ever read in my life.
ReplyDelete