I hate girls hating other girls.
This blog entry has been in the works for a long time. For those of you who have followed my ramblings for a long time—long time being like 7 months—you will know that this blog entry is the promised one that started the whole blog. Some of you might be disappointed because this won’t be the post you are looking for (Giving myself +5 points for an oddly placed and unexpected Star Wars reference. Taking away -5 points for having the audacity to give myself points). Regardless, let’s dive right in.
For those of you who don't know, I started this blog because people enjoyed my borderline-lunatic rants about girls like Felicia Day, Kari Byron, Olivia Munn and other geek-media-icons. It was mainly hyperbolic and 99% for the sake of being humorous and contrary. However, I've decided that as innocent my intentions were, making fun of other girls is uncool. Except for my continued detestation of Raspberry Tart from the original Strawberry Shortcake series. She knows what she did.
Before you go and wonder, no I haven't gotten in trouble with someone important, and no, I haven't been confronted about the subject by people of varying degrees of importance. I am miraculously coming to my own conclusion and outting myself on this one. It's a very Claymation-Christmas-Special type of epiphany. Feel free to cancel the speaking engagement you booked me for your child's Bat Mitzvah or high school graduation.
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I’ve been an employee at BioWare/EA for about a month now and it’s really made me realize the impact that words have on a person. For those of you who think Community Managers are supposed to be immune to superficial attacks on personal character or professional integrity, I suggest you see how well a sociopath would do this job. Actually, thinking on it, maybe he/she would be the perfect fit for my job description but then you’d have a sociopath running your community, not someone who passionately cared about it. Sad days would ensue, I assure you. I give warm fuzzies whereas the sociopath never will. Never.
And on another slightly related note, I’ve realized that meanness stemming from anonymity doesn’t just reside on the internet as it’s often accused. I’ve started to think about how easy it is carelessly slip into road rage or be rude to someone in customer service (particularly when said person is almost never the cause of one’s frustration). When will I ever see that person again? Likely never, but how is that justification? Words and gestures can hurt. Think before you act. Period. This PSA brought to you by children’s programming around the world.
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I started to think about why (using a generalization here) girls can be so vicious to other girls. There’s definitely a bigger sense of competition amongst us than there is camaraderie. Tina Fey portrays this really well in her film “Mean Girls” as well as an episode of 30 Rock “TGS Hates Women”. Fueling negative relationships and reinforcement between women is a problem that many will encounter at some point and have to choose whether or not to engage in that behavior. Writer (and Star Wars craft maven) Bonnie Burton aka @bonniegrrl has written a must-read book called Girls Against Girls: Why We Are Mean to Each Other and How We Can Change. She outlines the problem and offers real solutions about how we can end this cycle of hatred. Go read it and help change the world one lady at a time!
Now, I’m not saying outright abhorrence doesn’t have its place. Hating pandas and koi fish will still be completely appropriate in the right context. Genuine dislike of a specific person for valid reasons is also your own business and not something I need to know about.
However, I realized that I’ve expressed negative feelings towards many prominent women in the media for no good reason. Making jokes at someone's expense probably derives from jealousy that she is doing something I am not. It's petty and silly. There’s an underlying, misguided notion that every woman is somehow in competition, coveting a finite number of possible achievements and accolades. If one woman has earned recognition, we think it means the rest of us can’t. Stupid logic, I know. I blame the Xbox achievement system mainly.
Bottom line. I’m sorry to the successful geeky ladies that I have verbally bullied (albeit from afar, out of earshot, and saying things I thought were funny and harmless) in my time on this Earth. Even if it was hilarious at the time. I will try and support your efforts unless you turn out to be a bigot or something undeniably heinous.
And finally, in my brief time working professionally in the video game industry (which may prove to be short-lived should anyone important decide to read the archives of this blog), I want to say that I’ve met Felicia Day and working with her is a pleasure. She’s done a lot of groundbreaking things for women that I should be thanking her for. I'll miss our fake rivalry... though it's not as fun when the rival has no idea the other person exists. I doubt Ms. Day will ever stumble upon these words I’m stringing together, but she does, I hope she reads this: You are genuinely swell! Also, I’m pretty sure you have magical hair.
I never said I was a wordsmith.
For now, I will focus on a new fake-nemesis. I'm looking at you Bai Yun! Tune in next time for my unwarranted attack against postcards, when I’ll tell you exactly why they are a waste of time!
For now, I will focus on a new fake-nemesis. I'm looking at you Bai Yun! Tune in next time for my unwarranted attack against postcards, when I’ll tell you exactly why they are a waste of time!
P.S. Now that I've explained exactly why I am a poor role model for females everywhere, ignore that and come find me at Geek Girl Con in Seattle on Oct. 8th-9th for warm fuzzies and adoration! I get +10 if I know you by your internet username!
P.P.S. Enjoy this sentimental post because you’ll NEVER see it again. Unless I find fault with myself again. It’s unlikely, but you never know.
